Today I saw an orthopedic surgeon about my thumb. The x-ray tec asked if I was pregnant. I wasn’t prepared for the question. Don’t know why not. I’ve always been asked before x-rays are taken. Nevertheless, I wasn’t prepared. Maybe because the tec should’ve read my chart. Nonetheless, it completely took the wind out of my sails and set the stage for the rest of the day. I was still holding back tears when the surgeon said I needed surgery to repair nerve and tendon damage. I couldn’t hold back any longer when she said she only performs surgery at Good Samaritan Hospital. With tears stemming down my face I told her “NO thank you. I will not have surgery”. I explained two months ago I lost my baby at that hospital and cannot go back. The doctor understood and offered a transfer to another surgeon.
Back at work, a co-worker (she works at a different office) asked if the little boy I was helping was my son. I said no. She then asked “you have two children right?”. I opened by mouth but no words came. My manager (who was standing next to her), responded “no she only has one”. NO, I have two children but sadly both are not in this world. I helped the boy and walked away.
Emotionally the day wasn’t going well. I dreaded policy council. I wondered, would people ask about my baby or did they know? At first, no one said anything to me. Avoided me like the plague. Toward the end, separately two staff offered their condolences. In this type of situation I’m not sure if it is better to ignore or not. It probably depended on how the rest of the day had gone. If I didn't have the previous situations this one might not have been so unpleasant. However, at that point in the day I already felt sad, the wind was already let out of my sail.
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