Solace Group

Tonight was the first session of a five-week Solace Support Group. The group is for parents who lost a child during pregnancy or delivery. All day I dreaded attending the group. Dreaded sharing our story. Sure enough, Dustin and I, separately had to tell "your story". My short, condensed version: Dustin and I were expecting our second daughter. I went to a regularly scheduled 36-week prenatal appointment. My doctor was unable to find a heartbeat on the Doppler. She wheeled in the sonogram cart. Still no heartbeat, my daughter was dead. I called Dustin at work. He came right over. My doctor gave us the option of delivering that night or waiting until the next morning. We agreed prolonging would only hurt more; it wouldn’t bring our daughter back. We arrived at the hospital at 6:30 pm. I was given an epidural and labor was induced. At 2:24 am on January 21, 2010, our lovely Payton Alexa was born silent.

Each couple told their story. Initially, I felt comforted we were not alone and heartbroken others also suffered the tragic loss of their baby. However, I’m not sure if this group will be helpful or not. When we left I felt angry with other women already talking about having another child. What? Are they trying to replace their child? A child cannot be replaced like an old toothbrush. As the night went on (early morning- just another sleepless night), I realized everyone has different reactions to grief. Some people might be quick to have another child. Mine- I don’t know if I will ever have another child. I also realized each couple lost their child at different times. Dustin and I lost Payton the most recent, five-and-half-weeks ago. Maybe it's also different because we have an older child. Good lesson in not being quick to judge or react!