Mad, Sad, and Numb

My preschool clients learn to identify four basic feelings: glad, mad, sad, and scared. Recently I noticed I've regressed lower than a preschool level, as I only have three feelings: mad, sad, and numb (although numb is more a state than feeling). I prefer the numbness, I can get through the day. My second preference is anger (mad). The anger is energizing, I can accomplish tasks. The despair (sad) is debilitating, all I want is to lye in bed.

This week all I've felt was the anger. Anger at how thoughtless people are. Anger at how quickly people forget. At work the talk was about our co-worker’s new baby. I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to discuss how cute he is with me. Dustin's aunt sent an email inviting us to mother's day brunch. My response would have been HELL NO. Dustin, being more diplomatic, responded we’re having a none mother's day and skipping town. What's more, I got an email from a friend asking how we are doing. I answered honestly, we are getting through each day and some days it's a struggle. Her response was basically chin up. What? It's not like I stubbed my toe or got a flat tire. My daughter died. I'm trying to understand where people are coming from but I’m having a hard time.