I expected to be thrilled, shouting good riddance 2010. Instead I find myself overcome with sadness, begging 2010 not to leave. This year, although briefly, Payton was alive. I felt her move. I saw her heart beating on a screen.
As 2011 approaches I realize I'm further away from her. All day my thoughts were focused on where we were last new year... Our future looked so bright. We closed on a new home. Dustin spent the night painting the girls' bedrooms. I spent the night finishing the last of the packing. We were excited to have a new home for both our girls. We could not wait to meet Payton. Three weeks later our life took a devastating turn. 2010 is the worst year my husband or I have ever had.
I have no idea what 2011 holds for us. Honestly, I do not think I want to know. But I would like to be more productive; household chores, exercising, and such. I have to believe keeping myself busy will be a great distraction, and my house and waist could use the extra attention.
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