The 30 minute drive to/from work has always been my time to decompress, to switch my brain from thoughts of clients to my family. This year the time is used to remove the plastered smile mask and to breakdown about some thoughtless comment, having seen another baby, or having heard of yet another baby. Most of the time I am alone with thoughts of Payton. I do my best thinking while driving. Wish I could type while driving because by the time I have access to a computer I'm all thought out. I'm getting off track.
Driving home tonight, I remembered an occurrence from 2.5 years ago, when Tatum was four or five-months-old. Dustin,Tatum, and I were in the grocery store. Tatum never liked to sit/lay. She preferred to be held and watch her surroundings. She was strapped to Dustin in the baby carrier. Is there anything more adorable than a father carrying his child in a baby carrier? Well, except the scene in "The Hangover". Again I'm getting off track. Anyhow, I left the two of them in an aisle. When I returned Dustin had a weird look on his face. I asked what was wrong. A tearful woman had walked up to Tatum and commented how beautiful she was. Dustin joked our daughter was so beautiful she made grown women cry.
Thinking back I wonder if maybe she too lost a baby and seeing Tatum upset her. It is strange how my perspective has drastically changed. In my blissful ignorance I thought the woman's behavior odd. Of coarse, I Know Tatum is beautiful ☺, but to bring another to tears? Now I get it. I cannot count the number of times I cried at the sight of a baby, or baby items, heck I've even cried at the sight of an infant carseat. To the woman and others I have unknowingly hurt due to my ignorance, I am deeply sorry!
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