Lately, my mind races... my heart weighs a thousand pounds... consumed with regrets. Regretting decisions I made during childhood and adolescence. Hating the decisions I've made as an adult. Questioning if I am capable of making a good decision. Then this morning on the radio, the DJs read an email from a listener. The listener asked if there is true love. Two of the DJs debated their notion of love. A third DJ's (I usually disagree with his opinions) comment was a bit profound. He said true love is not romance and excitement. True love is deciding to make the relationship work regardless of the bad times. He said there are more bad times than good (he is so optimistic), but if you stick around for the good it is always worth it.
His opinion made me realize my regrets are pointless. If a single decision was made differently I would not be where I am. I would not have met my husband. I would not be married to a wonderful man. I would not know true love. I would not know the unconditional love of motherhood. I would not have Tatum. Losing Payton will never feel okay. I miss her every day. I think about her every day. I long for her every day. Yet, the only regret that is mine was being blissfully ignorant and trusting my doctors.
1 comment:
I feel the same way..I have made so many decisions that I would love to change, but if I altered just even one of them my life wouldn't be what it is today. Sure, I wish that I could take away the pain of Aubree, but I wouldn't wish her away at all..As for trusting your doctors and being naive..I think we are supposed to be that way when it comes to pregnancy..before anything like this happened to us we never would have thought negatively. Ignorance is bliss when it comes to pregnancy..now we worry about everything because we know way too much! We just have to have faith that all will be ok..Praying for you as always!
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