Obsessed

I'm obsessed with thoughts of what Payton would be like and what she would be doing. My obsession was triggered at my niece's birthday party. My extended family's friend has two little girls, sisters. Sisters are one of the things that gets to me. The younger sister had her birthday party a few weekends ago. I just couldn't go so my mom took Tatum. It never occurred to me they would be at my niece's party. Throughout the party I stared at the sisters, watching their interactions and watching the similarities and differences (mostly differences). The older sister is outgoing. She made quite the impression on Tater. All week Tatum has asked "where Abby go?" or "me play Abby peease?". The younger sister is quiet, more serious. Would this be the difference between Tatum and Payton? Tater is strong-willed, hyper, and outgoing. Would Payton be calm, quiet, and serious? Would she be happy and smiley? Throughout my pregnancy, Payton was much calmer in-utero than Tatum ever was. I would tell people Payton was my easygoing daughter. I’d then joke she might be my favorite.

I also came across my 2008-day planner (don’t know why I kept it). At the bottom, I would jot down Tatum’s accomplishments. Reading through it I thought of all the things Payton should be doing. Right now she should be reaching for things, working on rolling over, and have good head/neck control. Would she sleep through the night? Would she sleep during the night at all? Would she sleep in her crib? So many questions that will never be answered.