As a therapist I often receive fliers announcing upcoming training opportunities. Recently (and for the first time ever) I received a flyer for a pregnancy and infant loss conference. There are many co-workers and associates I feel need to be aware of the conference and a few I feel need to attend. Therefore I forwarded the flyer on. I'm not surprised but disappointed by the lack of response. The person who should absolutely attend replied she would pass along the flyer. Don't get me wrong that is great. The more people who know about the conference the better, but she dismissed herself attending even thought she works with pregnant women and wasn't the most compassionate after I lost Payton. Again I'm not surprised but disappointed.
On a side note. My old perinatologist is speaking at the conference on physician and relationship based care. I find this ironic as he was the one who didn't notice signs of concern during my pregnancy with Payton (i.e: first child was low birth weight, my low weight gain, and Payton's small size). He was also the one more concerned about covering his own bum than giving us answers after her death. Not exactly what I would consider relationship based care.
Today I registered for Walk to Remember. Sadly look forward to remembering our babies with other bereaved parents. Yet, I'm a little hesitant. I understand people cope in the best way they are able. Still, I have a hard time being around smug pregnant women or smug new parents. I don't know how to describe the difference between smug vs. happy, but there is a difference! Maybe I'm overly sensitive but WTR is not the time to show off your pregnant belly or infant. It is a time to remember and honor the baby you didn't get to keep. There are a few people I'm dreading seeing.
2 comments:
You stated it perfectly..I think that people need to be educated especially in your field on how to deal with this type of loss because as you and I both know it takes a huge toll on someone..
As for the smug pregnant women..I get that a little too well unfortunately. I really love the smug pregnant women who constantly make the comments about how easy it is to get pregnant and then go on to have a million healthy children..I try to be positive, but sometimes it just gets to be too much!
Hate that those who ought to go won't even consider themselves in that category. That seems to be the way, doesn't it? And, I guess...probably part of the reason they ought to go in the first place!
I know what you mean about the difference between smug vs. happy. It's hard. I don't think, just because of how hard it was to get pregnant with Matthew, that I was ever smug, but BOY was I happy! Oblivious to any perils--seriously, what could happen after 11 years of trial just to GET pregnant? THAT was the hard part! God ordained him!!!!
Who knew? I sure didn't, but you are right...now, with Luke, there's definitely a difference. I'm very happy with him...he's such a joy and has brought so much healing...but smug, no way!! Grateful for each second and praying for them to not end before I take my last breath! It's a hard line to walk, though...because it once again displaces me. How can I be a grieving mom when I have such a joyous and precious little baby bouncing in my arms? How can I be a happy and healthy mom to that boy when I have one in a grave? Do I go to walks? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I want to honor my grief too. Leave him with someone? It was his brother too, though he doesn't even know, and I want him to grow up with Matthew in his life. How much in his life, though??? Enough to be real, but not so much as to overshadow and make him feel inadequate or like the back-up plan.
It's all so, so hard. Every bit. I wish I had magic answers (I'd sure use them!). Just know that someone in NC is thinking of you and wishing you had your sweet little Peyton with you and didn't even have to have any of the thoughts and feelings you do now...sending lots of love, friend!
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